That Drifting Poo Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Year.

As we reflect on the TV landscape of the recent year, a handful of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their notable failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing sequels to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with woeful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. For a moment, as the final series started, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then came an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the last season. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too symbolic. Yet, viewers undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the smallest of this show's issues. The subject of a very rare zero star assessment, it was hard to know where to begin enumerating the problems. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The tedious veneration of affluence and consumption? The almost wilful parade of cliches? Performances so bad they felt borderline malicious? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and forget about this series again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless excess while failing to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this show might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but flippant narcissist.

The Iris Affair

Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy figures meeting in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other issues. Primarily that it was just really boring; a conflict over narcotics territory between various cockney rogues which seemed rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the degree to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s performatively enraged commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine come to life; a meme for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark sayings and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was akin to consuming a marketing brochure. She clearly has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players competed, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something far greater than it.

Too Much

How do you follow a show that captured a generation? The pressure was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the smart recruitment of gifted emerging comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely breezy, slightly stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality notorious for sexual escapades as she prepared for her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.